Last night I had the honor of being on the panel of TheLoveJonesCafe at the Howard Theatre in Washington, D.C. While on the panel, we were asked to elaborate on a quote by Rob Hill Sr.: “Sometimes a woman’s purpose in a man’s life is to help him become a better man…for another woman.” This topic caused quite the uproar in the crowd! My response to this quote, was one that I think few were prepared to hear. Throughout the day, I received several emails about my answer which varied from; “Thank you” to “Never quite looked at it like that before” or, the most common “What you said made complete sense except, that’s not me, I’m not preparing no man that I deal with for the next woman!” I will continue to say this till the end of time; Reasons, Seasons, & Lifetimes.
I believe that everyone comes into our lives for a reason, season, or a lifetime. As much as we want to believe that the person that we are currently in a relationship with (outside of marriage), will be with us forever, most times that isn’t the case. Everyone remembers their first love…that person was everything we ever wanted at that time. BUT then, that great thing called life happened and you began to grow apart. No, this does not mean that you loved this person any less. It just meant that what you both wanted out of life had changed. Simply put its called growth. The person that you have been with for 5 years no longer inspires you, drives you, or loves you the same. So are you now suppose to stay in that because he or she went back to school because you helped encourage them through that time? Or, they finally opened the business of their dreams and you helped mold them into the person they are now…so, what? Are they not suppose to take from you the positive things that they learned from you…Or better yet, the things in a mate as Ashley Silvia (owner of IamSuperGorge.com) said, they wouldn’t want in their next relationship? YES, we learn that also. That again is called growth. Most of my exes taught me the toughest lessons of my life. Which in turn has helped mold me into the confident woman I am today.
I personally want to learn from each person I’m with as I often compare my relationships to a job. We work in various places and try them out until we find our career and boom, we fall in love and work towards retirement. Haha, that never would have happened if it hadn’t been for the job you thought you couldn’t go with out. But then that day came and they laid you off. During that period of unemployment you got the time to grow, learn, and explore a whole new field. Hmmmm, I know I’m making sense to someone right now. I know for a fact that I have helped groom some of my exes for the women they are with currently.
Reason = to teach you a VALUABLE lesson so that you can be the person you were called to be. Season = to teach you the importance of understanding what a moment feels like, so that you can learn to enjoy each day to the fullest while being willing to GROW. Lifetime = to be able to apply all the things you learned previously from your REASONS & SEASONS.
Thus bringing my point full circle; am I preparing the man I’m with for the next chick? NO, I’m loving my man with all that I have so that I know that I gave him the best of me, so that I can continue to be great since afterall, we are a reflection of our mates. Will we always see eye to eye? NO. Will I always think he’s right? Heck NO. But I will be open to knowing that I am not the same as I was when I walked into this relationship, and if it has to cease I will be a better woman to the next. As I pray the same for him. Why? Because my purpose is to make you better; but then again, these are just my thoughts.