Change is one of those things that’s inevitable. But when you’ve signed on for forever and your sex drive changes, then what? The answer is: Do not give up. Change. Communicate with your partner your needs. I know it’s easier said than done but don’t push them away. If you want to re-kindle that spark then communication is the first step. I know you may have a fear saying, “Well honey I am kind of less into sex at the moment and my drive is gone down.” However, being honest, especially when you love someone, is the best policy. It’s better to say my sex drive is out of whack, but I love you versus being silent.
Many things can throw your sex drive out of whack so don’t just think it’s in your head. For instance a new child, job stress, medications and medical conditions can cause your sex drive to be less than what it was and you would have no way to fix it unless you take a step back and analyze what the reason could be. If it’s a medical condition, you and your doctor plus your spouse can figure out the specifics of why and what can be done. Perhaps a change in medication or lower dosage of what you’re taking could be the remedy. If it’s a condition like stress or anxiety, maybe talk therapy can be helpful in lessening the pull on your sex drive. Even if you want to talk you your partner, some subjects that bother you are easier discussed with an objective party. If you have to seek a doctor’s opinion, don’t forget to keep your partner in the loop of your feelings.
It could be a new baby that may have your libido going down. Don’t forget to talk to your spouse and include your doctor if the feelings of not wanting sex don’t go away after a few months. It could be something as if you may feel your body has changed after child birth (And of course it has you carried a life!) Maybe getting reacquainted with yourself before getting reacquainted with your husband should happen first. If you have a post-baby weight goal, work on it or if you just need a spa day or some mommy time to just get your head together and find your calm, take the time out to do so. You went through something great, emotionally and physically, and it may just take time to find the balance of normalcy especially when you add your little one or ones into the equation.
Last, it may happen to be the fact that you both changed physically or just your partner. Be kind, but open up about your feelings on the subject of attraction. I mean physical attraction is one thing, but if there is still an emotional and spiritual connection there some self-help books or a couples or sex therapist can be a positive step to reaching your sex drive goals again with your spouse. Effectively communicating what you are desiring and want in the bedroom especially after some time together maybe hard because you guys are used to how you are. You may have your favorite positions, but finding what rekindles that spark that made you not be able to keep your hands of each other in the beginning starts with talking to one another. Speak openly and be honest about feelings and also keep the conversation in a safe space, with no judgments.
Change is inevitable, but how we adapt and change with each other is our choice. We can make the changes we go through in life easier for those around us by just being open about what is going on.